There’s no doubt about it – chronic illness is hard. When I turned 30 last year, I reflected on how different my life looked to what I had originally planned. But the surprising thing was that amongst the negatives, there were some positives that came from my illness. Lessons that I may never have learned. These are 5 surprising things that my chronic illness taught me.
Compassion for myself and others
Early on in my chronic illness, I used to push through and ignore what my body was telling me – usually that I needed to rest! I lived in a push-crash-recover cycle for at least a couple of years. This was punishing my body in so many ways.
Then one day a friend of mine saw me pushing through a day full of pain. She asked me whether I would advise her to do the same if she was the one with a chronic illness. I stopped dead in my tracks, because the answer was a resounding NO. I would never advise someone I cared about to push through the pain and fatigue, knowing it would just result in a crash.
So why wasn’t I showing myself the same compassion? Slowly, I started to learn how to be compassionate towards myself and my body. It started off small – giving myself permission to decline an invitation or taking a break from activity to rest.
Before long, I realised that I was actually able to be my best self when I wasn’t constantly circling the fatigue drain. I was able to be present with friends & family, and actually enjoy their company.
Once I started practicing compassion towards myself, I found myself practicing it more towards others. After all, if there was an unseen reason for my struggles, then other people might have the same.
Healthy Boundaries
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always struggled with saying no. But learning to say no was one of the surprising things my chronic illness taught me.
Saying no is a healthy boundary. It’s a way for you to ring-fence your own resources for yourself. Perhaps it’s because you need to rest that day, or you have some important errands to run and you only have enough spoons for the errands (and not coffee with your friend). Sometimes it’s simply because you have a pain-free day and you’d much rather spend it reading!
The first step to healthy boundaries is putting the boundary in place (saying no). However, the most important lesson I’ve learned is the other part – explaining why you’re saying no. This is important when it’s a relationship that you value. It also helps your loved one to understand what’s going on for you.
Being Mindful of My Needs
Over the last few years, I’ve learned to check in with myself. I ask myself what I’m able to do and I wait for an honest response – it’s one of the most valuable lessons that my chronic illness has taught me. It helps me to avoid a crash and most of the time I can stop an oncoming crash in its tracks.
Being mindful of my needs when I make plans has helped me to be a better friend, simply because I can manage expectations! I will only say ‘yes’ if I’m completely sure I can manage, and a ‘maybe’ if I’m not. It also helps me to not feel so flaky in the plan making department!
Adaptability
It took me a while to adapt to new limitations once chronic illness struck. As I got to grips with what felt like an entirely new body, I learned to switch things up (sometimes at last minute). I started to manage my spoons better, which allowed me to have a social life again. Whereas pre-chronic illness I’d happily be out every night, that was just no longer an option. So, I started having friends over. It takes far fewer spoons to have a good friend over for a cup of tea and a film than to go to a café & the cinema.
I see this level of adaptability in so many chronic illness warriors. Most of you do it without even thinking! And most of you do it without realising that adaptability is a sought after trait in almost every walk of life – so you definitely deserve a pat on the back.
Resilience
Out of all the surprising things that my chronic illness has taught me, learning that I am strong and resilient has been the most important. Living with a chronic illness can feel like a constant uphill battle at times. Some of the symptoms and limitations we experience can barely be comprehended by a lot of healthy people. And yet we still battle on, day-by-day, finding joy and smiles wherever we can. And that is beautiful beyond belief.
About the author
This post was written by Sarah from tickedoffwithlyme.com, a Lyme warrior passionate about living well with chronic illness.
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