When it comes to dating with a chronic condition, we all know how difficult it can be to find someone who truly gets it. This post is in partnership with Gutsy, a dating app which does the hard work for you and helps match you to those in your area who are also struggling with digestive illnesses.
But just how useful is it to have a partner with a similar illness? And how can romance blossom when your health makes things difficult? To give you some inspiration, I’ll be sharing stories of loved-up couples who both battle similar conditions. First up, I chat with Rachel (who has Pure Autonomic Failure) and Steve (who battles Ulcerative Colitis) to discuss how their illnesses made them a match made in heaven!
Q: Hi both! Can you each introduce yourselves briefly and explain your condition in a little more detail?
Rachel: Hi my name is Rachel and I have a rare disease called Pure Autonomic Failure; where the nerves to my bladder and bowel didn’t work and those organs failed to function. My stomas have transformed my life I am finally living again even with my regular sepsis admissions.
Steve: Hi I’m Steve, I have Ulcerative Colitis and Sacroiliitis (a form of Rheumatoid Arthritis). I had my bowel removed in 2015 and an ileostomy formed.
Q: Thanks for sharing! So how did you both meet? Could you share a little bit about how you connected through your illnesses and how your relationship grew?
Rachel:We actually met on ‘The IBD and Ostomy Support Show’ where I am a guest host and last year we asked Steve on as a guest. We loved him so much he became a regular and instantly I liked his energy. Then in August last year we got closer and finally met at the Purple Wings Ball (a charity that gives grants for ostomates to help improve their confidence). We only spoke for 10 minutes that night but after that the rest is history…
Steve: As Rachel says, we met on ‘The IBD and Ostomy Support Show’. I was really chuffed to get my chance to go on it, and got on with everybody really well- the dynamics of a guy on board really worked. So I was asked back and I started to get to know the girls; Rachel was a bit of an enigma to me-I found her really lovely and I did proper fancy her. I honestly didn’t think she felt the same. We used to carry on the video chats after the show had finished for hours. If you were to watch back the shows you would see our special friendship blossoming and it was inevitable we would meet. Not long after Rachel came to my house and my heart jumped when I saw her at the train station.
Q:That’s such a lovely story and really does show how the community for those with ostomies really brought you together. Gutsy is all about connecting partners with similar health issues. How helpful was it for you both to find a partner who had this?
Rachel:Unbelievably so. The fact Steve has a stoma as well means he knows what it is like when the pouch may leak and some of the problems that can occur. I feel 100% comfortable showing my stomas and tummy. I never really felt like that before. Also, I find there is an understanding there when we are both not 100% we instinctively know what to do and how the other one may feel.
Steve: It’s simple:there is an understanding between us that sometimes needs no words.
Q: Exactly! Lots of people end up dating those who don’t understand our condition. If you’ve dated others who don’t have health issues previously, how was that different?
Rachel: Previous people I have dated found it was hard for them to really understand. I have had a mixed response when I have told them about my stomas and I realised early on to be upfront straight away before any feelings arise. Other partners have tried to understand but they will never fully get it! I feel like Steve really does.
Steve: I agree-I have found that being totally upfront about my illness and stoma is really important for me, as it straight away tells me if the other person is really interested in me.
Q: So being upfront is important to both of you! How honest were you about your health on your first date? Did you share the details straight away or did you still hold back?
Rachel: Haha! This made me laugh because Steve knew everything about my health and struggles in detail from doing the show for 6 months before we began dating! I guess we never did have the ‘traditional’ first date!
Steve:Like Rachel said, we both know each other’s conditions really well from the start. Although I had never seen a urostomy, there weren’t any issues at all.
Q: It’s so great you were so open and accepting of each others condition. What would your advice be for those looking for love whilst battling conditions such as Crohn’s?
Rachel:Do not give up hope! Seriously I was not looking for love when I got with Steve. I had just ended an unhealthy relationship and wanted to be on my own. However, it just seemed to happen and we realised we had this amazing connection on all levels.
Steve:My advice would be, to be honest to your future partner and yourself. Everyone deserves love and attraction no matter how poorly. I also was quite happy on my own, after a failed long-term relationship but Rachel stole my heart.
Q: That’s so inspiring! Gutsy is an app that connects singletons with gut health conditions. How useful do you think this app could be for others?
Rachel: I think the app will really help the IBD community. When you first date somebody broaching this subject off ill health can be tough. An app where single people with IBD can connect and possible find loving relationships is great!
Steve:I think it’s a good idea it takes the worry of being rejected through ill health and would rely on common interest, things in common and whether you were actually attracted to the other person.
I’m sure you’ll all agree that Rachel and Steve are ‘couple goals’ and it’s so uplifting to see how dating is made so much easier when your potential matches have been through everything you have too.
You can read Rachel’s blog about life with an Ostomy here and watch her and Steve’s weekly ostomy show online.
Gutsy Dating, who partnered with me on this interview, is a free dating app that helps connect those with digestive issues. You can find out more info here.
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