Dating in 2018 can already be brutal: whether you’re having to deal with being stood up, the perils of social media or an endless pursuit to find someone who makes you smile. However, throw a digestive condition into the mix and things get even more complicated. Those of us with gut conditions (such as IBS, IBD or Coeliac Disease) know how our digestive tract can quickly turn the perfect date into a disaster.
The complications are multiple. Scouring the menu for something you can actually eat. That feeling when you just know you need to escape to the loo but can’t cut off the conversation.Staying over at your date’s house for the first time. And explaining that when it comes to digestion, your body does things a little bit different.
Gutsy Dating -a dating app designed for those with conditions such as IBS and IBD- can help take these potentially embarrassing scenarios out of the equation. Your partner is likely to have been there, done that and survived that flare-up to tell the tale! Whilst dating someone with a similar conditions makes things so much easier, it’s still normal to be anxious when meeting someone for the first time.
However, there’s no reason to let your illness get in the way of your love life.We chat to a range of bloggers who document their journeys with their digestive diseases and grill them on their top tips for dating with a digestive condition…
1.Come prepared with essentials! (Angela from www.mychronicdreams.com)
No, we’re not talking about those kinds of essentials. Angela, who has Crohn’s Disease, recommends taking a pack of essential items should disaster strike mid-date. Useful items might include a change of underwear, wet wipes, Imodium, mint tea bags and…of course, loo roll! Better safe than sorry.
2.Eat BRAT the day before (Olivia from www.pryxis.com/blog)
A BRAT diet is one way of trying to settle your stomach if you’re prone to diarrhea. Olivia, who has Ulcerative Colitis, explains this diet (which revolves around bananas, applesauce, toast and rice- all of which are easy to digest and slow the digestion tract down) can help soothe her stomach; meaning that any symptoms tend to subside until after the date.
3.End the date with dinner, don’t start it! (Erika from www.mintgreenliving.com)
Dinner dates aren’t ideal for those of us with digestion conditions but get creative with the schedule. Erika, who has IBS, explains if her dating partner suggests ‘dinner then a movie’ she’ll always swap them around so she can head home post-meal. Is there anything worse than sitting through a two hour film whilst your stomach is going haywire? Luckily, if your partner has a similar condition, they’ll be more than happy to oblige too!
4.Plan the date yourself (Nicola from www.sparklesatmidnight.com and Sarah from www.theweefoddie.com)
Even if your partner is understanding, planning the date yourself can help put you in control. IBS sufferer Nicola explains how she chooses the restaurant herself-so she knows that she’ll be able to find something safe to eat. Looking up a restaurant menu ahead of time can put pre-date nerves at bay.
Still don’t feel comfortable? Fellow IBS bloggers Sarah suggests going one step further and taking food off the menu altogether. “Nerves, food and IBS is never a good combo” explains Sarah, “so I always planned coffee dates or meeting at a bar since a drink calmed my nerves too.” Get creative and suggest a walk in the park, a trip to a museum or a local zoo. Taking food out of the equation initially can help both you and your belly feel calm.
5.Be fashion-savvy to disguise the bloat (Alessia www.theblondepond.com)
Anyone else hate the dreaded post-meal bloat? Alessia, who has Crohn’s disease, suffers with bloating so badly that it’s not unusual for her to go up three dress sizes over the course of dinner. Her solution is to find outfits that hide the bloat and make her feel comfortable. Empire waists are her top pick but t-shirt dresses and legging work well too. High-waisted trousers come at your own risk!
6.Open up! (Sahara from www.sahara88uk.blogspot.co.uk
With traditional dating, it can be a bit of minefield about when to open up about life with your condition. Sahara, a Crohn’s Disease sufferer, admits to putting her cards on the table straight away. “It saves me being upset down the line and pursuing a relationship with someone who isn’t interested.” If you are unsure of how to do this, this is where your internet can be your best friend! There are many online resources such as guides to IBD or guides to everything you need to know about constipation which you can share with your date-which does all the explaining for you in a straightforward, non-awkward way. Simply send them over a link and explain you’d like them to understand what you’re coming from!
7. Have faith! (Marya from www.chronicmomlife.com and James, founder of facebook group ‘The Toilet, Me and IBD)
We can sometimes beat ourselves up when our condition gets in the way of a date or when we’ve opened up, but don’t despair! Marya, who has recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, explains: “Before I was diagnosed, I had a date at the Top of The Rock in New York City…and ended up having to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Despite it all, the guy still called me again! Even though it feels impossible at times, true love will flourish if it’s meant to be.
But what if that phone doesn’t ring after you’ve shared what it’s like? James Conlon, founder of IBD facebook group ‘ the Toilet Me and IBD’ offers some thought-provoking advice: “If someone can’t accept you for who you are, it’s not right.”
This is a collaborative post
Fantastic advice especially eating BRAT before